The Real Me

In the past one week, I had many problems affecting me physically, mentally and emotionally. I questioned myself on why am I here? Why am I studying med? Why am I having so much problems? Was it all my fault? Yesterday, at one of the lowest point in my life, I even fell sick. I couldn't hardly eat my dinner, and could not even talk straight. I felt that the whole world was crushing down on me.

Before I went to bed, as usual, I randomly opened up "Our Daily Bread" booklet and it was on March 14th's passage on disappointment in life. In my half-drowsy mood I read that passage and the conclusion was this, "In our seasons of disappointment, we too can find comfort in God, who cares for our broken hearts." Suddenly I felt that God was trying to speak to me. After doing yesterday's quiet time, I went to sleep with a much encouraged heart. In the middle of my sleep, I received a call from Benny, and smses from DeZhi and PangHan. And that also encouraged me quite a fair bit. I never thought that people actually cared. After a 14-hour-sleep, I felt much better.

In the late morning, I received an sms from John and Chris, saying that there will be a urgent prayer meeting at KMC green's stage to pray for Jeoffrey at 12.30pm. I don't know who he is, but I've heard a bit about his condition. Basically Jeoffrey is a fellow churchmate of BreadOfLife, who has multiple organ failure, and is currently in MICU (Multi-disciplinary Intensive Care Unit). He is 100% on life support machines, and is really in need of a miracle. Since I was feeling much better, I decided to go for the prayer meeting. What's my little sickness in comparison to Jeoffrey's condition? And at the prayer meeting, I was amazed how they could gather up almost the whole church with such a short notice of less than an hour.

The faith and crys of their heart really got me to think that no one is strong enough to live alone in this world, we all need support. In such critical stage of a person's life, even when doctors had given up, these group of churchmates has not given up hope. For once I felt the unity and support of a church.

Back in my hostel, I read this email from uncle Teh about an interview with Rick Warren. FYI, Rick Warren is the author of the all time best selling "Purpose Driven Life". The last time I updated, more than 20million copies has been sold.

The email:
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales . This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, author of 'Purpose Driven Life ' and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: "People ask me, What is the purpose of life?" And I respond:

"In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one or two or more. You never know.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do..

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD
Painful moments, TRUST GOD
Every moment, THANK GOD

In a nutshell, my Easter holidays has been very fruitful in terms of getting back on track with God, and also with my fellow friends. After the self-reflection I've done by the sea, and the series of events mentioned above, I realised that all my problems arised from the very fact that I was too engrossed in making sure everything was perfect, so much so I failed to realised that I am only human. As Rick Warren said, "life is a series of problems... You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others."

I really need to stop being so selfish, and learn to think from the point of view of others. I'm sorry if I've done or said anything hurtful. Let's just let things be how it used to be.

A list of things I wanna change in the next 2months:

1) Be stronger in every aspect, so that the people around me would not need to worry about me anymore..

2) Be more sensitive towards the needs of other people, and Learn to put their needs above my own..

3) Tear my pride away that I have nothing but God to boast..

I don't mind letting everyone know what a weakling I am deep within. I'm tired of putting up a false smile mask everyday that completely covers up my sorrows and problems, at the same time giving people a false impression that I'm strong and care-free. This would be the 1st step to tear away my pride.

Before I go, I just want to wish everyone out there all the best in whatever you are doing. Don't make the same stupid mistake I've been making for the past 18years of my life. Have a great weekend ahead, God Bless!!